Today is one of those days where nothing goes right. Let me give an update…yesterday I did a very quick post before I left for work. Since then I have scheduled my plastics consult for next Thursday. I guess they’ll do like what I see on tv, inspect the area, mark me up and schedule the surgery. Meanwhile I am still in a ton of pain. And I think what irks me the most is the lack of understanding. I’ve tried to explain to DH how much pain I’m in, and it’s as if it goes in one ear and out the other. I posted that on facebook and a friend responded, basically it’s the same reason why I don’t want to have anymore babies–because I don’t get the help I need. Like I shouldn’t have to tell you over and over that I’m in pain, I need this, I need that. There is very little that I can do. It becomes very apparent as soon as I try to do something that I do in my everyday life. Like I can’t quite brush my hair into a ponytail. I can’t put on and take off my bra unless I’m wearing my cotton bra. I have to choose loose fitting clothes because otherwise I won’t be able to put them on or take them off. Going to the bathroom is a difficult task, just buttoning up my pants puts pressure on my abscess. The list goes on and on, and this isn’t even dealing with me taking care of the kids, or driving…it sucks.
It sucks even more to feel like everything is tumbling down on me. I feel like everything at work is rubbing me the wrong way. I had a meltdown today after getting my QA score (I’m not gonna go into deets) but if you have ever worked at a place that it seems like they will do all they can to hinder you from making more money, then you know how I feel. Times are already hard enough for me, I’ve had sickness two months in a row, which caused me to not be able to get my bonus for the month, so that kills my money flow. Add to that the fact that my surgery will probably been in the coming weeks and then there’s my money again.
I just feel like I’m all tapped out. Like here it is Mother’s Day almost and I feel just as unappreciated as I possibly could. I have a 6 year old who whines and stomps around and I tell her I need her to help me because I’m in pain and she does nothing but add fuel to the fire. Then there’s my 2 year old who could care less. I just wanna run away from it all–except that I can’t because it would hurt to run. It hurts to do anything. I have to stay doped up on meds just to function. You can tell when the meds have wore off because I’m in excruciating pain. Over the past several nights my meds wore off at 4:45 and 3:33am. I wake up crying. I’m in extreme pain when I get to work, I’m in pain on my way home from work. Both times that I’m not on meds because I have to drive.
So here I am, Friday night, I got off early and have had nothing but added stress since I’ve been home. It’s like my family decided to do the exact opposite of what I needed them to. So I’ve cried so many tears, I think I’m tapped out for the day. I pray tomorrow is a much better day. Because today it’s all tumbling down and frankly I’m spent. It hurts to be sitting here typing so I think I should stop now, re-up on my meds and get ready to call it a night. I’m so thankful that I will only have Jordan for the most part tomorrow, Brianna will be gone most of the day, and hopefully daddy will have some father-son time to help me out. One can hope right?
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