I swear I hate this feeling…
There’s a four letter word that’s more vulgar than one of my favorite curse words. Why? Because this word will cause your mind to go off track and all of these “what-ifs” pop into your mind to try to take your eyes off the prize. To take you off course.
Yet this word…this effin awful ass word…it gets me every single time. And just like that…tears are streaming down my face and I’m depressed and it takes awhile to shake it. That word…is doubt. Hmmm…that’s five letters not four…lol well I guess that helped! haha Nothing like a laugh right? Smh
You see what gets me the worst…is that I know better. I truly do. I know that what the mind can conceive it can achieve. I know that if I focus on negative things and what I lack that I will continue to experience that. I know that if I ask then I will receive. I know it all… Yet I don’t know how to not let the doubt enter in.
As soon as it comes…it takes anything good that already occurred and shoots it to shit. Immediately I’m questioning myself…how am I going to do this? Like today for example…it’s no secret that it’s a struggle for me to go to work everyday and deal with things that I loathe. Am I thankful and grateful for my job? Yes. Is it the job for me? No. Does it make me go crazy? yes. It actually is turning me into a person that I wouldn’t wanna be friends with to keep it one hundred with you. Yet, it’s not the fit for me and I have to follow my heart and step out on faith for my career. So today I had a bit of downtime and was able to apply for a few postings. That always makes you feel a bit better when you not only find postings you qualify for, but you can apply!
So the day is going…not too off the chain…and then I get a text message from my bank. And that sets it off. From there I’m all woe is me…why me…fml…right. DH tries to console me. I come home to very little and yet I still have to make a meal right. Whereas before I had savings…now I’m back at square one. And all I can hear loud and clear is my insides saying: how in the world are you going to move to Charlotte when you can’t even pay your bills now?
Well you know what? I don’t know. I don’t have a freaking clue how. But I know that I will.
Over the weekend my main goal was to find things relating to Bri’s hair for back to school and trying to get learning things and charts, etc. But every time I was on Pinterest, I kept seeing inspirational posts. Sunday morning while I was flipping thru channels…why I didn’t just go directly to the channel idk, but I was flipping thru on my way from AMC {Mad Men} to MSNBC for my Sunday morning politics. As I was flipping thru I passed Joel Osteen. I got to MSNBC and saw they were talking about the hurricane Isaac…so I flipped back to Joel Osteen.
That message was for me. It was titled “Stepping out on Faith” I think and let me tell you…I was in tears, non-stop. It was for me. I even called my mom last night for some encouragement. Yes I gave her invitation to preach! lol Which I’m all for if I’m soliciting it! And I asked her to send me the September Daily Bread. {a month long book of devotions and scriptures, etc} I have to give it over to God. Not just a little bit but all the way. He’s working on me…I know that’s for sure. But anyway, enough of my blabbing and on to what I wanted to share. I wanted to share just a few of the posts that I repinned on Pinterest. Hopefully I can be of encouragement to you while I’m trying to encourage myself!
Pinterest and I have renewed our friendship as of late! Lol I’ve been pinning like crazy but I try to limit it in doses! So come check me out. And until next time you be encouraged, and I will do the same 🙂
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