I have been going thru so much pain and drama these past couple of weeks. And I’ve wanted to blog but there’s a limit to what I’m willing to put out there ya know? That’s what I have a journal for. And even then I have to push myself to write because I’m not used to doing it anymore. Either way I’m working on a better way to release myself. But anyway, I am counting my blessings. Yeah my marriage isn’t in the best place. Yeah I don’t have a job right now. But we have the essentials. What I’m truly thankful for right now is the opportunity to watch Jordan grow and change. Yes I wish I could take them to daycare everyday and pick them up and everything would go much smoothly. Right now I’m a stay at home mom and that’s a lot of work. It’s 24/7. If Jordan wakes up in the middle of the night I have to get him, but then I don’t get a break all day. I need my rest and energy now just like I did when I was working. But I’m reminding myself to the see the sun thru the clouds. Jordan is learning to stand by himself. And he’s trying to take a few steps. And I’m soooo happy that I’m here to see it happen. Instead of having the lady at daycare tell me what he’s doing. I’m able to see it firsthand. And that’s something I missed with Brianna. So I feel good that I’m here now.
Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to go back to work. And I will go back to the mommy guilt for not being with my kids as much. But as long as my job is M-F I won’t feel so bad and will look forward to being with my family on the weekends. I’m believing that job is right around the corner. I have an interview tomorrow that I feel is the right fit, so I’m praying and believing that I have favor, and that I will be back to work. And being happy that I was able to be at home with my children to really watch them grow.